Life has been a little crazy lately. Dean finally had surgery, and should be home on Monday. I’ve been home with Lizzeth for the last few days, while the other kids have been with family until this weekend. I cried for the first time today. It had been awhile sense I’ve had a good cry. I feel broken and lonely not having Dean home. The stress of this past year waiting for Dean to have surgery has been draining, but now I feel more drained now that he’s had the surgery. Funny how that is. I miss the kids but it’s been nice to have a moment to breath. It’s too quiet in the house. When Dean gets home he will have a weight restriction of no more than 15 lbs for the next 6 months! We were not expecting such a long time on that. He’ll be in bed for the next month or so, and then we’ll be moving.
We still have no leads on a house. We’ve had a few leads along the way but everything has fallen through. Frankly, I’m scared out of my mind. I normally don’t let myself feel it most of the time, but I guess in all the quiet it’s crept back. With Dean is such a fragile state right now and still have no place to live, I’m pretty much at my end. I know God has a plan but when God doesn’t shine any light on His plan you can go pretty batty in the waiting. God has given us peace along the way and definite signs that He’s looking out for us, but when you get hit with total despair it’s hard deal with anything, good or bad. Just endless feeling of hopelessness and fear.
So, in the waiting we are taking a break from school, packing and putting everything we can in storage, and try to act normal in public. It’s a good thing we don’t get out much because putting on a happy face is getting harder and harder to do.
Here are a few songs that have been helpful to me lately. Pandora and youtube have been very helpful to tune out the ugly thoughts and keep me focused on God.