Falling Fast

Coming off the Candida Diet was good…at first. But it took me only about 3.2 seconds to nose dive into carbs. I have been doing what any good binge eater does, eat like there will be no food tomorrow, or even the next hour. How was it that I could pull off 6 weeks of this diet but now have absolutely NO will power to not cram stuff in my face? I feel like a walking marshmallow this last few days. Swollen from all the sugar and carbs. My face is puffed out and my lovely double chin is returning. I’m bloated all the time and really can’t remember what hunger pings feel like. GGGRRRRR what the heck is wrong with me?! Not even two weeks and I’m right back the were I was at before.

The weird thing is, because my moods are still stable, I’ve felt ok eating this way. I haven’t had the anger and guilt that normally comes with binge eating. Not good. haha Those bad feelings help keep me in check. Now I seem to just not care how I eat…for the most part. I know it’s only a matter of time before the depression will kick me in the butt if I can’t get this under control. I have lost 80lbs sense having Lizzeth, I do not want to gain it all back but at this rate it won’t take me long to be rolling around again.

I know people say, just pick yourself back up and restart, but when dealing with disordered eating it’s not that simple. There is so much more that goes on mentally then just, “oops, need to stop this and get back on track.” It can take months to get back on track. Every day is another day of planning to do better and not over eat and by the end of the day you are bloated and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. Then you wake up ready to start over and something stupid will trigger you and once again go to bad bloated and hating yourself. Day after day after day. God, I don’t want this to start up again.

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