I’m done with the horrible Candida diet. Can you feel like you accomplished a goal and be happy and like a failure at the same time? I have mixed emotions with finishing the diet. I quit with just over a week to my original end date. Part of me feels like I really kicked butt with cutting out sugars for over six weeks, because really, six weeks is a really long time, but part of me feels like a crappy failure because I caved and didn’t go until Thanksgiving.
My save zone for stopping the diet was the 15th of November but I wanted to go until Thanksgiving just for good measure. Turns out, on the 15th I lost all interest in finishing. In fact, I ended the day with a BBQ chicken sandwich and chocolate. lol yep, I’m that awesome. I told myself I would pick myself back up and finish strong. Nope, didn’t happen. I did good for a couple days but yesterday I just didn’t care anymore. I called it quits and had bread with supper and binged on candy twice. I felt like a drug addict getting my fix after being clean for a long time. So much for easing back into life with sugar. Stupid me.
Part of me simple doesn’t care that I ended like that. I enjoyed the junk food. However, I’m a little worried that I’ll fall right back into the binge/purge cycle which is something I really don’t want to do. I know that all the planning in the world will not help me with my disordered eating. Only God can pull me out of that hell. I need to cling to Him when I’m tempted and not let my taste buds rule me.
Outside of the guilt of ending the diet like a druggy, I’m feeling pretty good. My depression seems to be gone as it’s been over two months sense I’ve had a low, which has NEVER happened before. My moods over all have been stable and it’s been refreshing to not be a moody crab ass all the time. Things still make be mad or sad but I recover from them quickly and can get on with my day normally. I never thought I’d feel so “normal.” Living with the highs and lows of mood disorders is all I’ve ever known. It’s weird to have this other person come out of me. It’s like I’m discovering a person that has been in hiding all their life. What do I do with this newness? I really don’t know. Right now I’m just going to enjoy not feeling like a crazy person anymore.