Archive | November 2013

Falling Fast

Coming off the Candida Diet was good…at first. But it took me only about 3.2 seconds to nose dive into carbs. I have been doing what any good binge eater does, eat like there will be no food tomorrow, or even the next hour. How was it that I could pull off 6 weeks of this diet but now have absolutely NO will power to not cram stuff in my face? I feel like a walking marshmallow this last few days. Swollen from all the sugar and carbs. My face is puffed out and my lovely double chin is returning. I’m bloated all the time and really can’t remember what hunger pings feel like. GGGRRRRR what the heck is wrong with me?! Not even two weeks and I’m right back the were I was at before.

The weird thing is, because my moods are still stable, I’ve felt ok eating this way. I haven’t had the anger and guilt that normally comes with binge eating. Not good. haha Those bad feelings help keep me in check. Now I seem to just not care how I eat…for the most part. I know it’s only a matter of time before the depression will kick me in the butt if I can’t get this under control. I have lost 80lbs sense having Lizzeth, I do not want to gain it all back but at this rate it won’t take me long to be rolling around again.

I know people say, just pick yourself back up and restart, but when dealing with disordered eating it’s not that simple. There is so much more that goes on mentally then just, “oops, need to stop this and get back on track.” It can take months to get back on track. Every day is another day of planning to do better and not over eat and by the end of the day you are bloated and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. Then you wake up ready to start over and something stupid will trigger you and once again go to bad bloated and hating yourself. Day after day after day. God, I don’t want this to start up again.


Music Monday

Done With the Candida Diet!

I’m done with the horrible Candida diet. Can you feel like you accomplished a goal and be happy and like a failure at the same time? I have mixed emotions with finishing the diet. I quit with just over a week to my original end date. Part of me feels like I really kicked butt with cutting out sugars for over six weeks, because really, six weeks is a really long time, but part of me feels like a crappy failure because I caved and didn’t go until Thanksgiving.

My save zone for stopping the diet was the 15th of November but I wanted to go until Thanksgiving just for good measure. Turns out, on the 15th I lost all interest in finishing. In fact, I ended the day with a BBQ chicken sandwich and chocolate. lol yep, I’m that awesome. I told myself I would pick myself back up and finish strong. Nope, didn’t happen. I did good for a couple days but yesterday I just didn’t care anymore. I called it quits and had bread with supper and binged on candy twice. I felt like a drug addict getting my fix after being clean for a long time. So much for easing back into life with sugar. Stupid me. :-/

Part of me simple doesn’t care that I ended like that. I enjoyed the junk food. However, I’m a little worried that I’ll fall right back into the binge/purge cycle which is something I really don’t want to do. I know that all the planning in the world will not help me with my disordered eating. Only God can pull me out of that hell. I need to cling to Him when I’m tempted and not let my taste buds rule me.

Outside of the guilt of ending the diet like a druggy, I’m feeling pretty good. My depression seems to be gone as it’s been over two months sense I’ve had a low, which has NEVER happened before. My moods over all have been stable and it’s been refreshing to not be a moody crab ass all the time. Things still make be mad or sad but I recover from them quickly and can get on with my day normally. I never thought I’d feel so “normal.” Living with the highs and lows of mood disorders is all I’ve ever known. It’s weird to have this other person come out of me. It’s like I’m discovering a person that has been in hiding all their life. What do I do with this newness? I really don’t know. Right now I’m just going to enjoy not feeling like a crazy person anymore.

Running Recap (Nov 10th-Nov 16th)

This week wasn’t very good. At the beginning of the week one of the kids started to not feel well and it is slowing making it’s rounds though the household. I have been feeling run down all week. I’m hoping next week goes a little better…

Not much to report on this week. My long run was slow goings. I really didn’t want to run but after two unscheduled lazy days I made myself got out the door. I had to walk every mile or so to catch my breath. My stomach would randomly cramp up and I almost threw up a few times. BUT I got my run in. I felt pretty good after the run but I think it was mostly just from getting some fresh air, not the actual exercise. haha Here’s to hoping next week is better.

Do you run through colds/flus, or do you take the time off to recover?

Sunday: Rest

Monday: Abs, arms, and 30 min walk

Tuesday: nothing

Wednesday: Abs, legs, and 4 mile run

Thursday: nothing

Friday: nothing again

Saturday: 9 mile run

Total miles: 13 miles

Running Recap (Nov 4th – 9th)

So far, this week has been good. My moods have been great and I’ve felt good during my runs. Yesterday I couldn’t exercise because the day was crazy so I did a double round today. I think I’m going to be a bit sore tomorrow. haha Not a bad thing though.

I’m scheduled to run 12 miles on Saturday but I’m really doubting I’ll be able to pull it off. I’m really hoping to do the full 12 but I’m learning to not freak out if I can’t make a full run. I’ll do the best I can and push myself hard and see what happens. I always get very nervous when I run a new distance. It almost always goes great yet I find myself sick to my stomach until I start running.

I hope to run outside this Saturday but if my stomach doesn’t calm down I’ll be running on the treadmill. The treadmill is not the greatest for long runs, (super long and boring,) but I may not have a choice. My 4 mile run today needed two pit stops. Thank God I was on the treadmill today. lol It’s way to cold to poo in the woods right now. plus I run the chance of hunters seeing me. Oh that would be hilarious

….EEKKKK! I did it! 12 miles baby! I hurt like a @(&$#^(@&$*%(#&%)! but who cares. It was a cold long 3 hours. I still can’t wrap my brain around the fact that I just ran for 3 hours. That’s crazy! I ran the first 9 miles outside in the snow. It snowed the whole time and I had to stop several times to clear off my glasses so I could see where I was going. I also had to walk and stretch my hip whenever it felt like it was getting tight, and that seemed to do the trick. After my last long run I wasn’t sure how my hip was going to do and was afraid my run would get cut short again because of the pain.

By the time I was about 3 miles from the house I was soaked. My socks and shoes were soaked and my top layer of clothes were matted with snow. At that point I decided to finish my run at home. Once home I took a quick bathroom brake and changed clothes and jumped crawled onto the treadmill. With only 3 miles to go I was ready to quit. I was sore all over and being home made it so hard to finish. By the end of the run I was moaning things like, “my legs don’t hurt, I feel great,” and “this is awesome, I love feeling so strong.” haha Crap talk to keep me going, but it worked.

Total time was 3 hours and 2 mins. Pretty good time sense the last 3 miles were really slowed down due to the treadmill. (Running outside is much faster.) My goal is to run the half in under 3 hours and I think I can pull it off.

For now I will enjoy the fact that I ran 12 miles for the first time ever and enjoy the tapering for the next 3 weeks.

What kind of things to do tell yourself to get through those last few miles?

Here is how the week has gone.

Monday: 30 min walk, abs, and arms

Tuesday: 5 mile run, abs, legs, and stretching

Wednesday: none

Thursday: 4 mile run, double abs, arms, and legs

Friday: 30 min walk, abs, arms, and stretching

Saturday: 12 miles and stretching

Sunday: Rest